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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24385621">To All The Things We’ve Lost</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/me_before_ow/pseuds/me_before_ow'>me_before_ow</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Little Things (Are Why I Went Back For You) [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Trek: Deep Space Nine</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Break Up, F/M, I don’t actually know if this is or isn’t cannon compliant because I haven’t finished DS9, M/M, Or read Stitch in Time, Or watched what we left behind, Retrospect, endgame garashir</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 02:15:37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>654</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24385621</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/me_before_ow/pseuds/me_before_ow</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Ezri and Julian break up.<br/>**This was supposed to be a prequel to the next work detailing what actually happens between Julian and Garak, but I might just make multiple works in this format for most of the series.**</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Julian Bashir/Elim Garak, Julian Bashir/Elim Garak (mentioned), Julian Bashir/Ezri Dax</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Little Things (Are Why I Went Back For You) [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1760857</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>To All The Things We’ve Lost</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is my first Garashir work, so... yay!(?)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The first time Ezri noticed Julian, she had been observing everyone, trying to see their reaction to her being joined to the Dax symbiont. He was the only one who seemed remotely sympathetic to her plight, perhaps because he had been augmented and understood what it was like to be changed from what he knew himself to be. Maybe it was just his profession bedside manner, or... was he flirting? Ezri didn’t know neither did she care.</p><p>The first time Ezri had kissed Julian, she felt truly happy for the first time since she had been joined. The experience of being joined was disorienting and no one saw Ezri outside of the shadow of Jadzia or Ezri Teigan. Maybe it was true that she was the sum of her previous time, but when Ezri and Julian kissed she thought, maybe, just maybe, someone had seen her as what she wanted to be seen as— Ezri Dax. </p><p>Ezri remembered the first time she bedded Julian. Adding up her previous hosts, this was the 1573rd ‘notch in her bedpost,’ but that wasn’t what she was thinking about. She remembered the first time as sweet, the language of their bodies was coarse yet saccharine. It was intoxicating, yet it felt so... forbidden, as if she shouldn’t be doing this. Later she would think that maybe it was her subconscious trying to warn her that the looks Julian shared with Garak didn’t add up to the platonic relationship the universe read it as.</p><p>The first time Julian said “I love you,” was awkward and rather cute in his own flustered manner. Their candlelit dinner was elaborate to the point of being extra. It was one of the reasons they still kept going. At the time it felt true, but now it feels like a knife in the heart.</p><p>The first time Julian told Ezri that he “wasn’t in the mood for anything,” she should have taken it as a sign that something was wrong. Maybe she should’ve done her counselor routine on him, but she didn’t want to make the situation any more awkward than it was. Maybe, if they’d addressed their problems then and there, their relationship could have been saved. All the could-haves feel hopeless in retrospect.</p><p>The first time Ezri asks Julian what’s wrong, he doesn’t respond. He shakes his head, just as he opens his mouth and says, “never mind.” She should’ve pushed the issue. A few days and a couple drinks later, he confesses that it was easier to chase Dax than to be with her. They should’ve talked.</p><p>The last time Julian says “I love you,” is 5 weeks before they break up, after the Dax symbiont gets infected and they’re unsure if Ezri will make it. The following kiss was desperate and empty. Nothing gold could stay.</p><p>The last time Julian and Ezri had sex was a month before they broke up. It was hard, fast, and impersonal. It was over by then. </p><p>The last time they kissed was 2 weeks before they broke up. It was on the cheek, and out of habit. Why couldn’t it have lasted forever?</p><p>The last time Ezri asked Julian what was wrong, he said, “I’m sorry,” and walked out. An hour later, Ezri would get a message on her PADD, telling her, “I can’t do this anymore. Sorry, can we talk on the Promenade? I’d feel more comfortable there.”</p><p>The last time they talked was a week after they broke up, when Julian left Deep Space 9 for Cardassia. He said he was being a masochist by living without Garak, knowing that he still had a chance.</p><p>The last time Ezri saw Julian was at his wedding, dressed in his old Starfleet uniform, kissing his husband, Elim Garak.</p><p>The last she heard of Julian was that he had left Starfleet due to its loss of morals. She couldn’t blame him. She had left too.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Concrit or any comments would be appreciated. If you feel like it, give me some Kudos too.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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